i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You ruined the universe
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
