butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
