So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
