No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize