She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
