their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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