Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
