If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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