He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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