im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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