Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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