The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
