I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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