My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
