I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
