Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
