I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
