it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
