apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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