First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
