Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
