I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
time to smoke my breakfast
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
