The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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