Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
