There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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