About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
