Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
