Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm jealous of your bromance
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
