I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
