i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
