Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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