You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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