i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
