how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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