Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
