OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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