Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
