shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
