sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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