So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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