drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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