Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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