You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
