Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
