Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
