I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
