it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize