um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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