$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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