I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
