wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
