please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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