shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You don't make any sense
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