Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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