Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize