whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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