If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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