You really coming over, don't trick.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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