so explain again why im purple
no
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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