she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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