i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
