I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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