So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
